Waiting Around

This waiting around for the phone to ring really sucks.

On the one hand, it's pretty awesome to actually be up for a job. There is some chance that I will receive a job offer this year. And the offer will be for a job I really want, in a place I really want to live, with people I like. And I've never been in this position before.

But on the other hand, I am completely distracted. I can't think clearly about anything else for more than ten seconds. And it's agonizing. Agonizing.

And it's basically all I think about. There are two main things I think about: my performance and my chances. When I think about my performance, I feel good. I think I did a good job. I think they liked me; they were impressed with me on paper and I don't think I did anything to convince them that this was a mistake. When I think about my chances, though, I worry. Even if I knocked 'em dead, there are two other people out there with visits to this same campus, and there is no way that they're a lot worse than me. They could be worse, but they could be better, and if they're worse they're not substantially worse. So even if you allow that I helped myself a lot during the campus interview, the probability of my getting an offer can't be much more than .4. At least, that's the highest number I let myself contemplate. And that's not a very high number.

So I vascilate between being optimistic and being discouraged. It would be nice to know either way. I'm not really excited about the prospect of finding out I didn't get it--which I think is the most likely outcome--but at least then I could eventually think about something else for a change.

--Mr. Zero